*Trigger Warning: This story contains themes regarding mental health, body dysmorphia and weight loss surgery. It is also a story of resilience and overcoming those obstacles to find a place of self love and acceptance.

It took a global pandemic for Daniella Maista to finally start to love herself for who she is. But the journey to get there hasn’t always been easy.

It started with childhood bullying for her size, which led to life-changing weight loss surgery, which ultimately led her to an even more life-changing 2020 quarantine revelation: “I had to hit rock bottom before I was truly awakened to the perception of my worth and how important it is to be happy for ME and love ME before I can love anyone or anything else.”

Daniella, who you may know as Dee, has been a May’s Place close friend for some time now. Some may remember her as a seasonal addition to our staff in 2019. We admire her passion, her fiery personality and her kindness. Above all else, we admire her ability to overcome personal obstacles like a badass.

The 33-year-old grew up in South Jersey, about 20 minutes outside Philadelphia. Her household consisted of four generations of strong women; her great-grandmother from Sicily, her grandmother, her mom, and herself. She grew up inspired by her black lipstick-wearing mother who “didn’t take any shit,” which she said helped her out when she was growing up when she got bullied by her peers for her weight.

“I wanted so much to have that vibe myself, so I would take her clothes, wear her Docs without telling her and she was always PISSED, and now that I think of it, I morphed into a mini Denise,” Dee said. “My childhood was a bag of emotions, waves, and changes, and it totally played a huge role in how I am today, how I treat people, and honestly, why I decided to have my weight-loss surgery.”

The day before Thanksgiving in 2016, Dee decided to take a risk and have weight-loss surgery after several years of diet and exercise and no results.

After the procedure, her dreams of being a 26 waist and a size 2 were finally coming to life. Her surgery was called Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy (VSG) which basically reduces the size of one’s stomach by about three to four ounces. As a result, Dee lost over 100 pounds. But it wasn’t what she thought it was going to be.

“I thought I made it,” she said in an Instagram post. “I did what I always wanted to do and I was finally where I thought I deserved to be. I was SO wrong. I looked in the mirror and still saw myself at 240 pounds; I looked at my loose skin and was disgusted with myself; I was overworked, formed terrible habits with extreme calorie counting and working out twice a day, and battled with severe hormonal issues that really put me in a bad mental spot.”

It took until the whirlwind of 2020 for her to reach the lowest point she’s ever been, and to lift her back up. After some other life events, a pandemic, and not liking who she saw in the mirror one too many times, she decided to start going to therapy and leave her career of seven years. What’s more, she’s now 40-50 pounds heavier, and happier than she’s been in a long time.

In addition to the leaps she took to change her life, she also found an unexpected solace in a social media platform: Tik Tok.

To her surprise, Tik Tok was one of the most influential avenues for her mental recovery. The app meant for teenage trendy dances and funny songs happened to also turn her on to meditation practice, daily manifestations and astrology, which she says stepped up her mental health game immensely. She also started filtering out the accounts she compared herself to on Instagram, and surrounding herself with the people she loves the most; all of which she owes to the pandemic.

“I genuinely think that the pandemic, while amplifying my depression and anxiety, was a blessing in disguise for me,” she says. “My journey was emotionally draining, super fucking hard, but I am so eternally grateful for each moment of it. Loving yourself isn’t easy, so don’t believe all the bullshit you see on the internet. People don’t live perfect lives. I sure as hell don’t. Don’t rely on others for your own happiness, and find your own love language for yourself. Be kind to others, because I firmly believe that it will always come back to you. And just be YOU; unapologetically and candidly you.”